The Secret is Out

I didn't want to say it. Somewhere in the back of my mind are visions of a horrible, curler wearing, bathrobed, poofy slippered, chain-smoking beetch when I even entertain the thought of saying it.

*takes a deep breath and slowly exhales*

I don't really like him much.

There! I have said it. Okay, so "officially" I have only written it. Maybe that makes it better somehow. Yet, I am still feeling myself rather consumed by guilt for even baring my soul to all of you on this one.

Admit it, you are wondering who I am talking about.

It's "him" - the daughter's fiance. *chokes and sputters a bit*

He's - how to put this delicately - he's a putzoid.

He's a self-centered mama's boy that snorfles all the time. Remember the movie "Sleepless in Seattle"? You know the dude Meg Ryan was engaged to? Remember how he had oodles of tissues and was always sniffling and allergic to everything? Yup, that's this guy.

Okay, so he cannot help the allergies. I realize that. Yet, I find myself inwardly cringing every time he looks my way and does that funky little nose snorfle that he's constantly doing.

Bad me - that's all something that cannot be controlled. I realize this!

Let's go on to his full-fledge poutage if he doesn't get his way. I swear the boy was about to jump off a bridge when he wasn't included in a family meeting to plan my son's wedding. My oldest daughter was only here so she could babysit the wee lassie. The rest of us were getting down to the nitty gritty financial crap and all that jazz. There was no reason for lover boy to be here.

I wouldn't have minded, except he is a self-appointed expert on everything and I really didn't need or want to have him putting his two cents into every aspect of their wedding. As it is, he has even suggested that HE give the bride away. What the hell? He's the boyfriend/fiance of the bride's older sister.

No matter what topic comes up, he has an opinion and he is always right.

He gradutated from a school that is a rival of the one where I teach and the cubs attend. He's constantly making derogatory comments about the school to me and to the cubs. It's not all in fun; it's not a friendly rivalry - he is constantly being insulting about it.

Thus far, I have walked away rather than reaching across the table and ripping his vocal cords from his throat. I'm rather proud of that fact.

I keep telling myself that my daughter will have to live this this nambypamby whiny wussnick. She has a very dominant personality; I'm sure she will always be able to crack the whip and get him to crawl along behind her like a "good boy". It would drive me nuts.

I've held it all back. My closest friends know how I feel, you know how I feel, and the rest of the world will continue to see a smiling Deej welcoming this dude to the clan. The upside is, his own mom and grandmother live nearby and I'm sure they'll adore him and baby him to bits. He better not expect it from the "monster-in-law".

Peace