Saturday, September 22, 2007

Sassy Red Bra

I survived my shopping trip, but not without permanently scarring the cubs for life. I must admit, I rather love watching them blush and bluster and take advantage of every opportunity to do just that.

Today it was easy. As we meandered through a department store a bra caught my eye. It wasn't just any old bra, it was a bright red, fur-lined, Christmas bra. I just couldn't resist. Something inside me forced me to scamper across the aisle to tug it from the rack and hold it in front of myself. I called to the cubs and asked them what they thought.

Boycub is utterly and completely at the age where anything like this makes him blush and stammer. He's certainly curious about boobies and girls, but he is horrified at the mere thought of his mom being seen in that light. Girlchild is just sprouting a pair of her own and is going through breast denial.

Both glanced over then said "Mom! Put that down!" I smiled innocently and asked them if I should buy it. Instantly they glanced around to make sure nobody was watching our little family interlude. I'm sure if friends had been nearby they'd have wanted to be swallowed up into the floor of the store. I wasn't that mean, I made sure the coast was clear before I began playing with them.

They kept saying I didn't need it. I kept insisting I did. Girlcub pointed out the fact that the furry lining would make any shirt I wore all bumpy and puckered. I blinked and told her this particular bra wasn't meant to be work under anything. Instantly she cringed and insisted that I refrain from giving her any more details.

It was a delightfully wicked tease and I love it! The cubs and I have a great relationship and we are always screwing around with each other's heads. It was just my time to play.

Yet, I left it there on the little hanger and we moved on to shop, shop, shop. Boycub scored with new jeans to remove him from possible geekdom. Girlcub picked up a couple of books. I nabbed a few pairs of new pants, some new shirts, and - of course - new shoes! They rock and make me multiple inches taller.

As for tomorrow, I may go back and get the sassy red bra. Methinks it would be a riot to watch their faces if I wandered out of the bathroom wearing it. Ha! Yes, I am a meanie mom.


Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Pass the Nyquil

My head hurts, my nose is stuffy, my chest feels like a damn elephant is sitting on it, I am sneezing and snorkling like an anteater (do they sneeze and snorkle?), my eyes don't want to focus, and I have my period (yeah, too much info - but it just seemed to be karma with the timing of all of this).

Combined - this all means stay the hell away from me unless you are bringing chocolate or Nyquil.

I went to work today. I hate missing this early in the year, so I grabbed my handy dandy box of Puffs Plus and scampered off to hack in the faces of the students I adore. They duly provided the amount of sympathy that I required and argued over who was going to make my tea. I do love them.

However, they had me rolling my eyes. Sometimes people can be incredibly dim. Today was one of those days. The conversation went something like this:

Moi - "K' guys, I have come down with Bubonic plague"

Student - "Wow! What's that?"

Moi - "It's a disease that killed about twenty-five million people in the Middle Ages"

Student - "Holy crap, Ms. Deej. Why aren't you in the hospital?"

Moi - *banging my head against the concrete walls to clear my aching brain*

Egads, they are cute but they fall for everything. I cannot WAIT to pull my annual Socrates tease on them later this year.

In the meantime, I'm going to curl up with a hot cuppa, a dose of Nyquil, a fuzzy blanket, and a puppy. I'll be back to read your luverly thoughts and words when the plague has left the house!


Sunday, September 16, 2007

England - BITE ME!

Okay England, you’ve made your point. You’re pissed at us about your country being dragged into Iraq by the ignorant putterhead that currently lives on Pennsylvania Avenue. However, you didn’t have to take revenge quite so cruelly.

Yes, we’ve made mistakes. Yes, you’ve had to suffer the consequences too. I just never thought you’d turn on us quite so badly. I never thought my Jolly Old England that I love so much would sink to such lows as to do what you’ve done.

Please please please forgive us and take them back.


Pretty please with sugar on top?

Please please please come and get David Beckham and his stupid wife, Posh!

I can’t take it anymore. You’ve won – I surrender.

I am tired of picking up magazines and seeing her ugly mug and reading about her amazing *insert gag* fashion sense. I really don’t give a shit why the bitch never smiles. Frankly, I am assuming she’s constantly constipated. In any case, I want her gone gone gone!

We’ve paid our dues. We’ve been forced to live through the constant hype that led to their traveling across the pond. To be honest, I don’t know anyone that gave a shit if they were coming or not. Now, the tides have changed and many are hoping he breaks an ankle and her boobies suddenly drop so they can stop garnishing the publicity that shoves them down our throats.

I never thought anyone’s annoying moment in the sun could be more nauseating than Anna Nicole Smith’s was – but the Beckham’s have topped it.

In any case – we’re sorry! Please take them back!


Anyone Have Some Ketchup?

“Mom what should I do?” was the question my oldest cub tossed my way last Thursday evening. Her dilemma, you ask? Apparently the water was shut off to my other house. No no no, this was not my fault. The older cubs and my son’s girlfriend all live in our house in town. Officially, they rent from us and are responsible for their own utilities.

To say I was dismayed is an understatement. Yet, I wasn’t surprised. For years I have lamented the financial irresponsibility of my oldest cub, and this appeared to be one more example of her being an utter twit.

According to her, they came home on Tuesday to find themselves waterless. They searched high and low for their latest bill and/or a disconnection notice and couldn’t find anything. Uh huh – the water company doesn’t just opt to randomly choose a victim to harass. I pointed this out to her, and she argued vehemently that they were never notified.

On Wednesday, she paid the bill via her debit card and was told someone would be out first thing Thursday morning to flip the switch. It had to wait until then or she’d be paying an extra hundred bucks for the privilege of having water instantly. Harsh? Perhaps, but I was thinking it was going to be a lesson learned for the mistake she made.

By Thursday evening she was frazzled. Nobody showed up to get the toilets flushing, the showers running, and the sinks spewing. She called them and was told they had no record of her water being shut off, therefore, nobody was coming to turn it on. WTF? She’d called her bank and the $300 the water company told her she owed had been taken from her account. In a nutshell, they took her money, but seem to have lost the order to shut off or turn on her water.

Does it sound fishy to you? It did to me. I just knew I was being fed a line of bullshit from the kid, but she was adamant about it all. Now she wanted to know what to do.

My advice? “Pay your bill on time next month and you won’t be dealing with this!”

I am eating crow and it doesn’t taste very pleasant.

The next day I called to see if things had been straightened out. It would seem the water company did make a mistake and opted to randomly harass a paying customer. They’d turned off the wrong house! That’s why the woman couldn’t find a shut off order and refused to send someone to turn it back on. The kids had paid their bill on time – they were paid in full.

Now, they are getting a month free due to the company messing up.

Pass me a fork, please? Oh, and some sea salt and pepper would be nice – crow really does taste like crap!


Here and There

Argh! I am tired - so very tired, but at the moment I'm dealing with cramps from hell and can't sleep. Until wee painpills kick in, I'm online and trying to figure out the new efx stuff.

I did get a blog registered over there. Ha! Those of you who left thought you could get away from me. Wrong wrong wrong! *wicked grin*

My new address will be:

BUT BUT BUT BUT - I am staying here as well. I have to play with the new site a bit before I figure out exactly what I'll be doing.

What I miss most about efx is the alerts, the recent visitor list, and the ability to set my blog up to just registered users. Without those things, one site is about the same as another. It's the people in a blogging community that make a place special to me, and as long as I can find all of you and you still wander to my place - I'll be a happy little blogger.

For now, I'll use them as mirror sites. That way I won't go through blog withdrawal if one or the other is shut down.

See you wherever!


Saturday, September 15, 2007



Yup, that is the sound of me roaring like a damn bear. I growled last night and I growled loudly!

Babycub and her three little buddies were handing out just before the football game started. It's a smalltown thing here, and everyone goes. The younger boys toss footballs around in the end zone. The older kids walk around the track. Adults discuss plays over cups of coffee and cocoa. It's like stepping back in time - at least most of it is.

The girls were sitting near the edge of the end zone and I was walking around the track to get a program when I noticed some older boys hanging around the girls. Hmmmm, not a good thing. As I walked closer, I noticed the boys were some of the scuzzy, pukehead, dickwad ninth grade boys that are constantly in trouble at my school.

They were flirting with my baby and her friends. Big mistake!

As I neared, I could hear what the boys were saying and my blood began to boil. They were telling the girls they "wanted them" and that they'd "use protection". Excuse me????? These are little girls - it was Babycub's eleventh birthday! Granted, the boys aren't out of puberty themselves, but they are certainly old enough to know enough to stay clear of children.

I marched over and stood behind the girls. The boys know who I am. They don't have me as a teacher - YET, but they will.

They looked up and were about ready to make a vain attempt to be snotty, when I stopped them in their tracks by saying "Excuse me? What kind of crap are you saying to MY daughter and her friends?"

Dead silence. The sidekick boys of the asshole ringleader began squirming. The ringleader tried blustering. I moved closer and gave him "the glare" before telling him if I saw his sorry ass anywhere near the girls again, he'd be paying the price for his entire high school career.

Fortunately, the guy working security nearby is a good friend. I told him what the boys said, and he said he'd smack them before he kicked their sorry asses out of the game if they even looked at the girls again.

Icky boys were soon removed from the game anyway. They got busted with a mongo bag of chew shortly after my little altercation with them. I can't wait for Monday. *insert evil grin* I shall endeavor to make them squirm every time they walk past me in the hall - the creeps!

More later -

I am soooooooooooooooo tired. Little girls have far more stamina and endurance than I do. They kept me awake all night with their giggling and music and I am one tired mamabear!


PS - What's the scoop on the new efx thing? Does it have alerts? How many of you are moving? Is it confusing? *cries* I am soooooooooooooooooooo confused.

Friday, September 14, 2007

Save Moi!

Yikes stripes!

I'll be mostly AWOL for at least tonight.

Yon' GirlCub, aka Babycub, is having her 11th birthday party. This party includes a giggling bunch of goofy girls spending the night, going to the football game with me, watching movies, eating, and taking pics with their phones.

A moment ago Boycub wandered through the room and said "I'll never understand women". Ha! He's right on that one!

In any case, I'll be back with tales of trauma - if I survive the night!


Wednesday, September 12, 2007


I may have committed one of my bigger faux pas yesterday. Yup, I had one of those “how-the-hell-can-I-get-myself-out-of-this-gracefully” moments.

In my world geography class I am teaching a quick unit on Islam as an intro to the Middle East. I figure many Americans, particularly teenagers, know very little about this religion. I want them to realize that not all Muslims are strapping bombs on their backs and searching out Americans to murder. Sadly, too many people are guilty of lumping everyone of Islam into the same group as the radicals that are bastardizing their faith.

We started this unit last week with some wonderful handout geared for teenagers. They don’t go into a great deal of detail, but provide enough information for me to watch my students gain an understanding of Islam and some of its basic beliefs.

That said – I am certainly no expert on Islam. I know more than the average bear, but obviously have a lot to learn. I’m upfront about that with my students each year. We cover the information together, and each year I learn new tidbits that I can pass on the next year.

On Monday my newest exchange student joined the class. We were reviewing and discussing the things my students read over the weekend. As a group we talked about things like Koran, Sunna Shabada, Hajj, and Sawm while we compared Islam to the religion they are most familiar with – Christianity. I told my exchange student she wouldn’t have to take the quiz on Tuesday because she wasn’t there when we started the unit.

Yesterday while the kids were working on the quiz, she came up to me and handed me a little beaded bracelet. I told her she didn’t have to give me anything, and she smiled and said she just wanted me to have it. It was beautiful, and I showed my delight as I commented on how very much I appreciated her kindness.

Yet, when I looked at it I was puzzled. It really was too big to be a bracelet and far too small to be a necklace. Even so, I couldn’t figure out how on earth I’d ask her what to do with it without hurting her feelings so I just slipped it around my wrist.

After class she wandered over to talk and I decided to ask.

Well duh.

By now some of you may have guessed what this sweet kid gave me.

I assumed she was Muslim because she is from Turkey. I was comfortable with how my students handled their discussion of Islam.

However, I had absolutely no idea that Muslims have prayer beads. Did you?

I can only imagine how much I blushed as she pulled the handout I’d used and showed me a drawing of a Muslim man with prayer beads in his hand. I like to think I recovered well when I asked her to explain how, why, and when they are used. In her broken English she made a valiant attempt.

Even with my recovery, I felt like a blooming idiot. Thankfully, my new little student never seemed to take any offense with my ignorance. She beams at me and smiles every time I pass her in the hall. I am rather thrilled with my little gift. I’m not sure, but I think that she gave me something very important to her and I hope she did so because I handled the discussion of her faith well enough for her to want to extend a small thank you.

Who knows?

Maybe she just wants to teach or convert me. No matter what, I am touched by her actions.


Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Beetch Slapping

Tonight I wanted to bitchslap a couple of nasty wenches.

I was monitoring one of the doors at our high school volleyball game and they utterly disgusted me. The scenario went something like this.

*beetches just about to waltz past me*

Moi - "Hello ladies. Have you paid yet?"

Beetches - *gasping indignantly* We have to pay?!?!?!"

Moi - "Yes, you do." *insert sweet little smile*

The Beetches asked how much it was and were livid when I told them they'd have to pay $5. Give me a break, every single school around charges admission to get into varsity sports. They'd be paying if they went to a game at their own school; why would they think mine was going to let them park their asses for free?

Beetches to each other - "I ain't payin' no five dollars to watch some stupid volleyball game. Are you?" "Fuck no, let's just wait in a bar until it's over."

Great - what an amazingly wonderful support system they are to the teen girl they motioned to come over to the door. *insert mega sarcasm here*

Beetches to volleyball girl - "We ain't paying no money to watch volleyball, so we'll meet up with you after the game."

Girl - "Uh, okay." Actually, she was quite sweet and very nice about the whole thing. I have to wonder if she felt terrible. I know my kids would be hurt if I didn't make every effort to attend their things.

With that, the Beetches waddled off to a local pub. Bully for them. I'm sure they probably spent more there than they would have had they taken the time to make that kid feel like they cared. I was stunned.

I've played this ticket-taker/bouncer game for a number of years and I have never seen anything so nasty. I truly wanted to smack both of the Beetches for being such utter low-life scum. I really do hope that the volleyball girl has other people in her world that will take the time to drop a couple of dollars watching her play rather than taking the money off to a bar.


People like them just piss me off!


Monday, September 10, 2007

Techno Love

Last spring I was a happy camper. I was getting a new computer for my desk at school. Yippity damn skippity and all that jazz.

It came over the summer.

Our tech set it up.

I turned it on.

Bingo - error message!

I restarted and walla - I was humming along with the latest technology. At least I was until it was time to print something. Then the damn thing gave me another error message. No worries, another printer was added to my settings and I was able to create documents once again.

Bingo - another error message!

Again, life moved on after another restart.

However, printing became an issue again. The damn thing has a mind of its own. Periodically, I have to restart just to print. Somewhere in the midst of rebooting my comp realizes it's supposed to be nice and let me have my documents. It's a quirk, but one I shouldn't have to deal with on a new machine.

In the meantime, I've realized it has a crush on me. Yes, it chirps little chip-chip noises that sound sort of like a wolf whistle click thing. Nobody, including our tech, has a clue why it does that, but it goes on all day long. It's a quiet little computer whistle. I think it's just reminding me it's sitting there lonely and ignored and needing me to put my fingers on its keys and stroke it a wee bit. My computer must be male. *nod*

Today I had to print. Again the blasted thing refused unless I restarted. This time was different. The scary "official" looking message that appeared had me scurrying in search of the tech.

She checked it over and announced it was fine.

Yeah - I'm imagining all this crap.

I'm more than a bit ticked off and dreading the moment it completely crashes and burns and she tells me she didn't get a warranty on it or something equally lame. *insert seriously annoyed look here*

In the meantime, wish me luck. I think tomorrow it's going to ask me out.


Blog Buds

The kinship of efx is amazing to me.

Within a few short days so many people have found a way to reach out to each other and reconnect in a new place. Emails have been sent, links have been followed, etc. Whatever it's taken, one by one I'm finding more and more of those wonderful familiar blogs around the wide world of the web.

If anyone ever tries to tell me that friendships and bonds cannot be formed through this means, I will be able to point to this moment. Each of us could have simply moved on and started solo somewhere else. It was the ties that were created through words that led to the controlled chaos of moving on as a thundering herd of crazed writers.

Kudos to all of you. Whether here or at other sites, I do hope we can continue to blog together. I hope we can continue to share our lives.

Y'all rock, people!


Sunday, September 9, 2007

Stupid Lines

I'm cursed.

It never fails.

Whenever I am shopping my internal radar automatically leads me to the check-out line with the uber annoying idiot customers that screw things up for everyone waiting behind them.

Today it happened several times.

Who are these people? Can we establish "stupid lines" in stores? We have lines that are handicapped accessible. We have lines for ten or less items. Why not "stupid people" lines?

I feel for the check-out clerks. It's not their fault they are cursed with morons that are trying to use cards that are denied. They can't be held responsible for the moron that shows up without their wallet. Yet, people glare at the people behind the register as if they held up a sign saying "hey, let's piss off the other customers - come to this line".

On a brighter note, I had a luverly little day of shopping. My ass is heading to school this week in new jeans and new pants. The upper part of my bod is going to be snuggled into some sweet little shirts I nabbed. The best part is I picked up some adorable spikey shoes that I can't wait to prance around in.

Clothes may not make the person, but they sure make this one feel purdy!


Love At First Sight

I am weak.

I am so damn weak!

Yesterday the cubs and I ventured to the local chicken swap. Yes, I said chicken swap. It’s a completely silly small town country thing that my town puts on twice a year. We love going. Where else can one wander around and shop for fresh produce, breads made by grandmothers, and llamas all in one spot?

The local farmers and such come from all over to sell off their stuff. Once we discovered this grand adventure, we’ve never missed it. It amazes me how many people around here must have odd things like peacocks. Who the hell would want one? What would one do with a peacock?

We headed out bright and early. I even skipped wearing heels. After all, one must blend when one is attending a chicken swap and I don’t think farmers wear stilettos. I draw the line at putting on plaid flannel or overalls – this chicken swap woman wore jeans and a hoodie.

There we were aimlessly wandering and marveling at the size and smell of some of the hogs. We chortled over chickens. We commented on the size of one farmer’s mongo tomatoes. The sun was shining, the roosters were crowing, and life was good.

Then it happened.

There was a litter of puppies for sale. Actually, there are always multiple litters of various puppies and kittens of all sizes, shapes, and varieties at every chicken swap. I love those darn little squiggly critters, and can never just wander by without stopping to scratch one or two behind the ears. The cubs always beg to take one home. I always put on my strict mommy face and firmly remind them that we already have two dogs, two rats, and a cat.

This time it was me that stopped. There was one wee little puppygirl that caught my eye. She wasn’t the cutest in her litter. She was the quiet little peaceful one in the corner of the cage. The little bugger looked up at me with the biggest, saddest, take-me-home eyes and I just had to reach in and pick her up.

We bonded.

I fell in love. Yes, people love at first sight really can happen.

She’s a beagle and her name is Shiloh. She’s now living in my house.

I tried. I really tried to be strong and walk away, but I couldn’t. I’ve never thought about having a beagle, but apparently there was something deep inside me that simply demanded I get one.

Damn weakness.

Shit, she’s cute!


Saturday, September 8, 2007

Looking Up

I've been messing around here and on Facebook to gather addresses. I've found a few of the people I read regularly, and am looking for more.

If anyone else stops by here, please leave me your address so I can link to you. I think that's the roughest part about losing efx - the community of it all. I'm hoping to link, link, link so I can keep track of where everyone is. : )

Update me peeps! Hit me with those addresses!


Damn, I'm Homeless!

Well shit!

I'm feeling amazingly adrift in the big old sea of bloggerooni. It seems efx has taken a nosedive and I've lost my blog buddies to cyberspace.

Hopefully, I'll find them soon.

In any case, I'll be blogging here until home sweet home is up again.