Oh Baby!

I may have had a few of my own, but I still don't know much about birthin' babies. It seems I am about to learn. I don't know if some idiot poured fertility drugs into the local water supply, but I am suddenly finding myself surrounded by kids having kids. I don't like it much, but there isn't much more I can do other than be supportive and encourage my mommies-to-be to finish school in spite of the hardships they are going to be facing.

One of my girls graduated last year. I've talked about her in the past - we've been through a lot together already. She's the girl that dragged me off to her AA meetings so she'd have a support system there as well. Now I'm finding myself being her friend and teacher as she travels down an entirely different path.

Another is barely sixteen. I am finding myself amazed and impressed at how well this little girl is handling a very adult situation. She's moving forward, but doing whatever it takes to continue with her education while also preparing to be a mom. Her own mom isn't in her world - it appears she's substituting hugs and encouragement from me in her place.

She's due any day and her plan is to drag me into the delivery room with her. Actually, they both seem to have this plan and I seem to have a difficult time saying no. How can I? They are both in a place in life where they need someone and they've picked me.

My older girl isn't due for a couple of months, meanwhile I'm just counting down the seconds until the younger one goes into labor. This morning my phone rang well before my alarm went off. Instantly my mind went to "oh my God, this is IT!" I was wrong. It was my brother calling about something most definitely not baby related.

Yet, soon first call will come and I'll be there to see the wee baby boy come into the world. I think it will be an amazing experience even though I don't know nuthin' about birthin' no babies.

Peace

In Love

I am in love.

I can't deny it.

He got me with just a few simple words.

How?

Who?

One of my bestest guy friends from work whispered sweet nothings to me today. He told me he is pretty certain that he's hooked up with a grant to get some funky clicker things for both of our classrooms.

*swoons*

We have been coveting these things for a couple of years now, but they are way too expensive.

*swoons more*

He seems to have found the funding to get us each a set, PLUS several more sets for our district.

*swoons even more*

I am totally in love. If this really comes to fruition, I may just have his baby.

Okay, so that's taking it a bit far - I'll buy him a drink.

Peace

Flurry Frolic?

I "said" my gardens were going to need my attention. Yeah right, like the snow flurries I am seeing outside my windows are going to encourage me to scamper outside to frolic in the grass. Grrrrrrrrrrr! I am done with Old Man Winter. I am ready to stuff my fingers into the dirt and make flowers appear. I want to jump in the pool and float on an air mattress. I want to grab a kayak paddle and splash through a rapids.

I do not want more snow. It's just flurries - but enough is enough!

This summer should be busy.

I have two, yeah icky, two family reunions to attend. I figure some of the older folks may not be around for the next ones, so I should go. Even so, I am not particularly wild about going to these things.

It looks like I'll be in Italy for a bit. Hopefully, we can splash around in the sea along the Amalfi Coast. I love it there; it's beautiful and Italy is simply one of my favorite places.

We'll be spending time at the lake house quite a bit. It's quiet and peaceful there and the kids love to swim, fish, ski, and do all that watery kind of stuff.

Go away snowy days! I want sunshine!

Peace

A Catharsis, I Guess

It wasn't that long ago when I wasn't even online. I never thought I'd be able to take that much time away from the world of the internet, but I did. The longer I was away, the less I missed it. Even so, I found myself thinking things like "I should blog about that" when things happened in my world.

When I took the plunge and set up my online account again, I slowly got back into the swing of things. Here I am - a happy little blogger once again. I enjoy sharing the lives of the people I read. I love reading various opinions on political issues, or reading about the good things that happen to all of you. I sympathize and worry when things aren't going to well for those I care about. Basically, I simply love the whole community aspect of blogging.

That said, I've found myself falling into the habit of spending too much time online lately. I'm not walking away or giving up blogging. I'm just becoming too much of a "net-junkie" and it has to stop. My house is getting messy, my gardens will soon need my attention, I have correcting to do - there are things I am neglecting because I've been finding myself online way too much again.

When I first went online years ago I became an utter junkie. I jumped into the world of online chat and couldn't tear myself away. I was paranoid about all the horror stories people told about crazed computer stalkers and such so I created a fake me. I let it get too far. Originally, the "character" of myself that I created was just to give me a way to hang out and chat, but it became too big. I started to really like and care about the people I chatted with, but had dug myself a hole that I couldn't get out of. Eventually it all caught up with me.

I don't do that now - that was years ago - what you see is who I am. I really am the dull old Deej that you see here. I like being myself much better. It's easier - I don't have to keep stories straight or anything like that. I am ashamed of what I did, but I guess 'fessing up and acknowledging it helps me to forgive myself.

I didn't like myself then. Not only was I lying, I was short-changing my family. My time online became something I obsessed over. I spent way too much time in chatrooms and not enough time with my older kids. I will never completely forgive myself for taking that time away from them. They don't mention it or complain about it, but I know it's there - that ugly part of my life that I wish I could change. I cannot.

Here I am me. My kids are a part of who I am when I blog. Often times I read them the entries I make about them. They giggle and laugh and ask what kinds of comments I get in response. My world of blogging is so very different from what my world of chatting was. I'm glad. I'm glad you're here for me to read and I'm glad you're here when I need a word of encouragement or a smile. I'm glad I can be myself when I write things here.

For that reason, I'm cutting back now on my online time. I'll still be here almost daily to check up on everyone. I'll still write my dorky little entries about things in my world. I just have to kick myself in the ass and stop opening up my laptop every time I walk by it. I'm slowly falling back into that habit and I am not going to let myself short-change my younger kids.

Wowserooni! I never expected this entry to take the turn it has. I truly was going to start out by just saying I wasn't going to be as prompt with replies. Argh! I am absolutely too long winded sometimes! Sorry peeps!

Peace

Stubborn

Man people can be so amazingly stubborn sometimes. Just over a year ago the hubster cracked his tooth and was in a huge amount of pain. I kept telling him to call the dentist, but the "I'm a tough guy" in him held off. I was flying to Italy and I pestered and pestered him before I left. The last thing I said to him was "call the dentist!!"

He claims they couldn't get him in. The operative word there is "claims". Bullshit! Every time I have called them they have bent over backward to get me in immediately. I've even called them for a friend and they got her in that day. He lied!

By the time I got home he was practically climbing the walls in pain and he gave in and called them. They fixed it, life went on, and apparently selective forgetfulness or Alzheimers have taken over his thought process beccause yesterday he announced the fact that he has a toothache.

I told him to call them in the morning. I knew he wouldn't, so I did. I made him an appointment, I told him when it was, and his response was "call them back and tell them I cannot make it".

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! I explained that our dentist wasn't in the office on Fridays and the other dentist is on her way to Ireland for a family emergency. If he didn't go today, he'd have to wait until Monday. He opted to wait. I figure any ouchessness he gets will be deserved after this one.

I'm not listening to the manwhines after this - not ONE!

Peace

Olive Branch

At the beginning of the day one of the girls slipped a note into my hand. Yeah, we’re back to the “note passing thing” again. Yay me.

The note was from Wild Child. To be honest, I wasn’t sure how long it would take her to do something or if she ever would. I’m glad for her that it isn’t taking long at all.

I’ll talk to her after lunch - for now it’s all about standardized testing. *insert groan*

She wrote:

“I’m really really sorry. I really don’t know what else to say but that I was a bitch! I was just upset and I decided to keep that inside and not talk to you about it and then it elevated into something elseand I got really angry. The only reason I’m writing this to you and not talking face to face is because I don’t want to start the day off crying. You’re my favorite teacher and I love you to death and I hope we can forget this ever happened, but if you don’t want to talk me anymore I understand. And I don’t hate you at all and after I said that to you on Friday I felt really bad right away. I did no bad stuff at all. I just said that out of anger but I am really REALLY sorry! So PLEEEASE forgive me. So when you see me or get a chance to let’s talk and tell N and J that I am for being mean to them and I didn’t mean anything I said. And please explain to them I why I did that please. But I wanna talk because I am reaaaalllly sorry. PS Can you get me a new journal cuz I kinda ripped mine to pieces on Friday. A”

Rawr, Roar, Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I've been biting my tongue and curbing my desire to be the Mommy Bear That Roared for months now; last night was the last straw.

Babycub and her friends have long been complaining about two boys in their grade that bully and harass a huge number of kids. They don't just pick on my kid and her friends - they are equal opportunity thugs who seem to love finding other twelve year old's weak spots and making the most of giving them shit about it. It's no secret; even the older kids in my classes comment about what little assholes these two boys are.

I've asked Babycub a few times if I could/should step in, but she didn't want me to play the "teacher trump card" and make things more difficult for her so I held back. Even so, I listened as she and the other kids muttered and grumbled about the non-stop crap that the boys dealt out.

Last night at 12:30 Babycub's phone rang. She was in bed, but the rest of the house was not and I looked to see who was calling her so late. It was one of "them" - yes, she has them on her phone - they were actually friends last September. That's always bothered her - that someone once considered a friend could be so cruel now.

The boys have taunting nicknames for the other kids - Babycub is called "Dictionary" because of her brain power. I try to tell her that's not a bad thing, but truly nobody wants to be teased. She now has resorted to lying to people about her grades - she doesn't want even her friends to know how well she does.

In any case, I put on my sleepy little girl voice and answered her phone. The call went like this:

"Uh... hello?"

"Hey Dictionary!"

"huh?"

"Dictionary, what are you doing? Are you busy selling dictionaries right now?" yada yada...

*lose the sleepy voice and change to avenging mommy voice*

"J? This isn't D, this is her MOM. Tomorrow I shall be talking to YOUR mom."

"Oh"

With that, I hung up.

I stewed and became angrier. I kicked myself for not saying anything sooner, but I truly do believe kids should try to work things out themselves. Additionally, it's a tough call to actually be one of the teachers when your kid is being directly affected by a situation like this. At what point am I taking advantage of my position as a staff person? I worry about things like that.

I called J's mom this morning. She was livid with the kid. I'd forgotten that last year J's sister was dealing with a horrible harrassment situation and J's parents had taken it all to court. The mom was really upset to find out her own child was now being one of the bullies in a situation. She asked for more information, and I said my daughter asked that I mention another little girl who wasn't really a friend of hers. That little girl is a quiet little bookworm who never bothers anyone. She also has a bit of a lisp, much to the joy of the Bullies who teaser her horribly about it.

J's mom was furious with her son. I guess I don't understand how it got this far without anyone saying anything to her, but maybe other parents were like me - telling their kids to work it out for themselves. I told the mom that had been the approach I'd taken, but when her son starts calling my house at that time of night to harass my kid, it has to stop.

I'm hoping it truly will stop with this.

If it doesn't, I have multiple back up plans that I'm going to use. They aren't as nice as simply calling the parents. The other plans are mean, but then again - I am the Mommy Bear sometimes.

Peace